Monday, November 28, 2011

Daddy's Little Girl

When I was 10 my mother left my father for another man.  I have a few memories of my father.  Some are good memories, like when he took me and my sisters ice skating, to chase a hot air balloon and to build us  a huge snow fort.  Some are bad.  I remember his anger and how scary it was.   I remember the day he sat me and my sisters down to tell us he and my mother were separating.  He was crying and told us how much he loved us.  

 
A few years later my mom married the man she left my dad for.  He was a bitter man.  He would sarcastically say cruel things to me and my sisters and then laugh about it.  This type of behavior went on even as I was an adult.  My step-father and mother manipulated my thoughts into believing my father was a drunk, a coward and a horrible person.  As a child, I was influenced by their words and began to hate my father.  By his choice, my father didn't come to my graduation nor come to my wedding.
  
I am not blessed to have a father that loved me, and hugged me, and told me every day how beautiful and wonderful I am. I am not blessed to have a father, that thinks of me as his wonderful little girl, no matter how old I get, no matter how many mistakes I make. I am not blessed to have a father that was there for me in my times of need, and there to celebrate when I succeeded.  I am not Daddy's little girl.


      Aa teenager I craved the love that my father (and step-father) was not providing.  I turned to other unhealthy means trying to fill that need.  I was I numb. I regret the decisions I made as a teen.  
     The lack of nurturing as a child left a hole in my heart.  I was not a whole person until I met the man I married.  The first time he put his arms around me I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace and I felt safe.  I am blessed to have a husband who tells me he was proud that I even tried at all. I am blessed to have a husband who hugs me and who tells me I am beautiful.  Because of him, I have had more success than I could have dreamed of.  
     A small part of me feels like the little girl who felt no love; however, a larger part of me knows I am beautiful and worthy of love because my husband told me and showed me. 

My husband loves me more than any other man ever can.  I am blessed!

     Our sons will grow up knowing love and they will be a stronger better person for it. I know this, because I know I am a stronger and a better person by knowing my husband.  Someday our sons will realize how wonderfully blessed they are to have a father like him.

6 pretty purplexing comments:

  1. Very sad however beautifully written.

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  2. Oh that is so sad in so many ways. At the same time, I am so happy for you that you found someone to make you feel the worth that you ought to feel and that your children will grow up never questioning that worth or that love. So many others never have that chance....

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  3. Oh Tami my heart is aching for you ((hugs))!! No one deserves to be treat that way....you are beautiful and truly blessed....don't ever forget it.

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  4. I am so proud of you. I love who you have become.

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  5. Wow... Bravo, very inspiring. I had no idea what you were going through back then. Apparently we had something in common. I'm glad to see you are nurturing a healthy family full of love. Todd is a great man. We can't undo the past but every day we make new memories for ourselves and our children. Lets teach them well and give them the good memories we didn't have.

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