Tuesday, March 26, 2013

If you have nothing nice to say… then come sit by me.

What is your reaction to this statement?  
The first that comes to mind is the way my Mother spoke about people while I was growing up.  She was very criticalnegative and sometimes down-right mean.  It had a major impact on my life. In fact, I didn't realize I was repeating this behavior. It left me feeling angry, bitter, nasty and heartless.  
I'm not sure when the light-bulb went off or when I had the revelation.   I think it was around the time I met my husband and his parents.  They were so loving, happy, considerate and made you feel loved.   I believe this is the point I realized it was not nice, or even healthy, to speak about people like that. 
It was actually hard for me to turn my thought around and focus on the positive when it has been ingrained in me to only see the negative in life.  For me, looking at the world in a whole new light has been liberating.  Seeing the good in people has lifted my soul.  Loving others has given me peace.  

Do you follow gossip; either within your own circle, or say Celebrity Gossip?  
I definitely do not follow celebrity gossip.  I would like to say no, I do not follow gossip within my own circle - but that would not be an honest answer.  I am sure every one is guilty of it now and again.  I do not go out of my way to gossip or listen to it, but sometimes it is right there in my face.  I have learned to redirect the speaker onto another subject. 

Is some gossip just idle chit chat and when kept between 2 parties basically harmless?    
There is a difference between gossip and chit chat.  Gossip is a much deeper problem that involves speaking negatively about someone and judging them in a harsh manner.

How do you think gossip/rumours affect society as a whole? 
Gossip and rumors are poison.   People gossip because they want to feel superior, they are envious, they want to feel better about themselves, for attention or even out of anger.  

Tabloids are the worst!  Do I care that Jessica Simpson gained a few pounds or that Duchess Kate got her heel stuck in a grate?  

Instead of sitting around examining the hardships and difficulties of others, let's talk about something positive in our own lives!  



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20 pretty purplexing comments:

  1. I'm with you... spreading bad things, that are potentially not even true - what does that help in ANYTHING? I'm more about spreading 'gossip' of good about people :)

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  2. I didn't think of it that way Rebecca. spreading good news it always wonderful!

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  3. LOVE how you defined the difference between gossip and chit-chat! because I think for the most part in our society today, they are both one in the same for many people. In the absence of anything worthy to talk about -- there are those that fill up the gaps with whatever they can.

    There is a difference between discussing a person, or their situation with say a trusted friend because you are seeking the truth, or trying to understand the scenario; AND, talking about that same thing with a mean spirited bias and a real intent to do harm to the particular person. Sometimes we have to talk about such things.....but like you say, we can strive to put a positive spin on it. And if we find we can't : just shut your mouth is surely the better policy.

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  4. There is a quote from "Pretty Woman" that I thought of "It is easier to believe the bad things than the good" I guess gossip falls in that category as well.

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  5. i loved this, tami. there have been people in my past who knew how to do nothing but talk about others and literally bash them every chance they got...sometimes, myself included. i found after many years that they were just miserable with their own lives and found great joy in hurting others. i definitely won't lie and say i never "gossip"...i do, sometimes. but the older i've gotten, the more i've learned not to judge, espeically when you don't know the whole story.
    thanks for sharing. <3
    i hope you're having a wonderful day, my friend!
    xoxo
    maria

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  6. Very good insight, Tami. It is so easy to get caught up in the gossip rather than making a stand. I'm guilty for sure. Good thoughts to continue to put into practice.

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  7. I have never liked gossip, and often find it makes me the odd woman out, as I tend to stand up and walk away from office gossip, neighbor gossip etc. It disheartens me, but I am not nor will I ever be a drama mama. Life is too short, and my tbr pile too big to get caught up. Sadly I am often mistaken as a snob, or cold because I will not partake in this activity and when people ask, I simply explain I don't like gossip and often I am met with, "oh we don't mean anything by it" sadly in many circles its accepted as the norm.

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  8. I would be lying if I said I've never gossiped.....I'm ashamed to say.....I don't think I've ever done it in a mean way. My sisters and I often say....you got any gossip?.......but we're just playing and it's usually about our own family.....we have enough family members that we don't need outsiders to talk about! :). I guess I've never done negative talk because my mother never gossiped a day in her life.

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  9. I would like to believe that I have always thought before I spoke. Unfortunately not true. Long ago I grew up thinking men don't gossip. Again not true. Maybe we gossip in a different way but the trash talk is still trash talk. I like the goal at the end of your post.

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  10. My husband says that I need a censor button on my forehead because I never think before I speak. LOL
    I am interested in hearing about the way men gossip. I only associated women with gossip, so I am curious.

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  11. Your mother is a good role model!

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  12. I admit during my younger years I was one of those sitting in a gossip circle. I am proud to say I walk away from those things now. It's a shame people don't get the hint when you do not participate instead of thinking the worst of you. Instead they should be reevaluating themselves.

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  13. It's been a long time since I've seen this movie. I'm going to have to watch it again and listen for that quote!

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  14. It's the mean spirited person that really does me in. I cannot stand that type of behavior! Your statement about seeking the truth by talking to a trusted friend clicked with me. Thank you for putting into words the thoughts I had. :-D

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  15. My own experience was mostly around the workplace. Go out for drinks, have a conversation about other people in the office. If you work with people for years it's only natural that you'll talk about them and offer opinions. It could be at a different level than women. Rumors, affairs, who wants to make a move on who, etc. has been discussed at different times.

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  16. I sometimes need to think more before I speak

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  17. I am with you all the way. NOT saying I'm perfect and never gossip or think negatively, but I try very hard to keep my thoughts positive. For one reason - it makes ME feel like crap to be negative all the time, much less how I could hurt other people.

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  18. I wish I could say I don't follow celebrity gossip....but that's about all I really do follow, since it's already "out there" and usually just a report of something good or bad that they've done. Rumors are a different animal, though. I try to never be hurtful, so I do my best to think before I speak about anyone, ever.

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  19. I don't hang on celebrity gossip....when standing in grocery line I read the covers....I follow some on twitter.....I have listen to mom's in the car pool line back in the day and nodded my head a few times...to say I haven't indulged would be a lie....but really I like the rule if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all.

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