Wednesday, November 2, 2011


After 30 years of marriage my step-father abandoned my mother and their marriage.  Not only am I troubled that he left my mother, but also in the way he left.  My mom was visiting my sister, Tori in Alabama for a week in August with my son Ahren.  Upon returning to her home, my mom finds a letter left on the table from my step-father.  This letter was a cold and cruel way of saying goodbye to a woman he professed to love.  To make matters worse, he leaves during a time period when she finds out that she is suffering from Parkinson's Disease.
Their marriage wasn't an ideal one nor a happy one.  He didn't treat my mom with respect and he was not kind with his words.  He put her down as much as possible in private and in public.  She deserves so much better.  In fact, I am glad he is gone.  I think my mom realizes that she is better off emotionally without him.
My step-father has had his own business since 1991.  My mom has received a paycheck from the business since then.  When he left, he stopped sending her the paycheck.  So now she is worrying about how to live financially without an income at the age of 63.
A good divorce lawyer was recommended to her.  She is in the process of going through the divorce and is waiting for a court date to resolve the issue of alimony.
A friend told me that there is always good to come from the bad.  I am focusing on the fact that I feel as if I can finally have a relationship with my mom.  I have a lot of unresolved issues from my childhood and found it difficult to forgive my mom while she was with my step-father.  Recently I have felt the anger slip away.  Hopefully I can be at peace with my mom before the Parkinson's diminishes her mind.

5 pretty purplexing comments:

  1. Sorry to hear this, Tami. When we were growing up, your mom was always so friendly to me. I hope everything works out for her (and for's time to forgive and move on).

    Tell her I say hi and give her a hug from me.

    And a big hug to you, too.

  2. Wow. Just wow. On so many levels. I hope for peace for both you and her and a happy resolution for both, as well. What an ugly situation. :s

  3. The end of a marriage is always sad. I pray though, that you and your Mum will become closer to one another. This is a new beginning for you.

  4. Thanks girls. As the saying goes: "time heals all wounds". I am hoping this is the case between me and my mother.

  5. Oh, wow. As kids, we always hoped that my dad would pass before my mom did, because he treated her poorly and we wanted her to get out from under him. When he died, we felt like it was a gift to us for going through the childhoods that we had. Since then, Mom's done just fine. I'm sorry your mom has to go through this; it's a really sh-tty thing that he did. I hope your relationship with your mom has fulfilled your hopes.


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